The fact is that many of us are searching for nourishment in each other instead of doing the work to nourish ourselves. When we are unable to be fully nourished by the other, we project onto them and see all the work that they need to do in order to satisfy our individual needs and desires.
This isn’t to say that we aren’t to take comfort and ease in one another’s company, but that the energy of companionship isn’t predicated on filling a void within ourselves. The more real we are about ourselves, the deeper and more intimate our relationships become, providing the nourishment that we seek. But if we try to skip a step, and not develop the inner relationship, we’ll always be dissatisfied with what other people do or do not provide for us - because we haven’t taken the time or the care to provide for ourselves.
This is going to sound cheesy, but I remember when I fell in love with myself. It was after the Sat Nam Rasayan Retreat in Mt. Shasta, CA in 2012. Over the course of a week I camped in a small tent on the side of the mountain, leaving in the early morning for kundalini and contemplative meditation, returning when it was dark to sleep and process the day’s meditations.
Many of my habits and issues came up over the week, but the most significant sensation was one of clearing the haze obscuring the view of my inherent sweetness. Like in Shakespeare’s Tempest, I had developed the temperament of Caliban who was called a monster so many times that he eventually became one in mind and physical form. I’d grown up a similar way as Caliban. I was often referred to as a “monster” because of my tenacity on the basketball court and “bad” because of my disdain for authority. The nicknames formed a neurosis lodged into my system and these meditations cleared the deception, awakening me to myself.
Have you ever seen something so beautiful, so pure, there’s no question that it must be good and right and true? For the first time in my life, I looked in the mirror and saw all those things. I fell in love with myself. I started calling myself “sweet Robin” when I looked in the mirror.
How I viewed myself changed and consequently how I related to others changed. I noticed myself not grasping or looking for conflict or validation in my friendships. The nature of our conversations shifted and felt more nourishing. And now, I notice that I feel completely satisfied with myself, as I am. That kind of confidence is so powerful and empowering to everyone around you who is willing to see and appreciate it. To some, it is intimidating and off-putting, but that is their problem, not yours.
Hi! I'm Robin - Teacher, Singer, & Author. I love creativity & sharing what I love!