I don’t know how many times I’ve sobbed to my boyfriend, sharing my feelings as I shook and tears streamed down in huge puddles. “I’m not crying because I’m weak. I’m passionate about what I’m saying, that’s why I cry,” I manage to garble out between sentences.
“It’s okay. I know you are strong. I don’t think you’re weak because you’re sharing how you feel. What you feel is valid because you are feeling it,” he says.
Yes, this is a true conversation we’ve had one, two, okay at least a dozen times where I explain my tears and he confirms that I am safe and valid in my feelings. Ain’t he a dream?
After these conversations I receive a huge wave of relief and open space, what some people describe as a heart opening. Here's my explanation for the relief: vulnerability.
Vulnerability is authentic expression and authenticity heals. When a truth is brought into the light, that in itself begins the healing process. But when we repress and don’t honor or make space for the truth in our perfect spiritual views then we stifle vulnerability and with it creativity, authenticity, and healing.
I've been in a place in my spiritual practice in which all the rules are being followed: I meditated everyday in the prescribed manner at the prescribed times, ate all the prescribed foods, and even wore the prescribed attire and yet, my heart was closed...something inside of me wasn't happy. What was missing was the vulnerability which doesn't care if you're following the rules or not, loves spontaneity, and revels in whimsy. Vulnerability requires you to take a leap without knowing the outcome. That's what makes it so heart opening.
The known part of vulnerability is that the people you are sharing with have to be legit. If someone isn't comfortable enough with themselves to sit with you while you're in discomfort, then your vulnerability leap will be invalidated due to their inexperience with vulnerability - which is okay. But, we all need at least one person in our lives who can sit with us and allow us to cry.
Some guidelines as to how that person might show up: When you drop little hints of discomfort, they listen, laugh and let it go. When you start going into a deep topic, they don’t redirect your words as if you had not even said them (think people who only want to live ‘in the light’...also think ‘creepy yoga eyes’). When you speak, they don’t redirect the topic back onto themselves. They don’t interrupt. They don’t judge. You feel safe before and after sharing with them. They don’t tell your business to other people. Find this person if you haven't already and treasure them!
I'm holding you in the light right now and sending out a prayer that you may know the ease of a truly supportive force in your life - may you be surrounded by lovers who trust your intuition - and may you create community that promotes vulnerability, joy, and healing.
Lovin' on you through the interwebs,
Hi! I'm Robin - Teacher, Singer, & Author. I love creativity & sharing what I love!